Five reason why Broad as captain is not so bad

by mspr1nt on May 6, 2011

Broad as skipper is not as bad as you think, there’s plenty of reason to celebrate this fine young man being given the captaincy.

At least it’s not Kevin Pietersen

I concede, KP is a horrific skipper and Broad will probably be worse, but at least England fans won’t have to put up with jealous Saffers always going on about how they need a Saffer to help them win and so forth and so forth. And, of course, you don’t want Kevin Pietersen stealing the show with trying to convince the world that he has ALWAYS been English and captaining the Poms has ALWAYS been his dream. Because it hasn’t. And nobody likes a media circus. Or a liar.

New Sponsorship Opportunities

When Stuart Broad goes out to bat and he gets his pads, they ask whether he prefers the heavy flow or the light flow [hat tip @luke_laws] . This opens a whole  new range of sponsorship opportunities. Johnson & Johnson will be knocking on their doors in no time. Now, if only the England side actually had hair to use their shampoos on.

More girls will watch cricket now that a girl is captain

We mentioned it yesterday, a female at the helm of the English team is a big step for the ECB. It’s only been 10 years since ladies were allowed in the long room (are they even allowed there?). Regardless, now that they have somebody they can relate to in a sport they can’t relate to at all, it might actually be worth watching. Especially since Stuart Broad absolutely loves dancing, just ask the BCCI.¬† This is particularly beneficial for those of you ball-less men who are dating one of those feminazi types. You know, the ones who’s all like: “burn my bra, equality, fuck yeah!”

You’ll never hear the end of it now.

 

The advantages that come with nepotism

Sure, Chris Broad’s always had his little girl’s back, but now that she is captain of the t20 side, England can be sure to have obscure decisions go their way and their unsportsmanlike behaviour will never be questioned again. In fact, forget ridiculously inappropriate appealing, Stuart Broad could probably walk right up to any player in the world, rip his head off and guzzle his blood and they won’t be charged. Even Sachin isn’t safe. Bonus.

It gives us something to write about

The English team could quite possibly be the most boring as fuck team in the world, especially when they are playing shit. Even more so if they are playing well. With Broad at the helm, bloggers, posh, proper cricket writers and even random Tweeters all have something to Tweet, talk and blog about. Even if he takes, god forbid, more than two wickets, we can write about how he didn’t really take the wickets. It was all his dad who used his time machine the pause the match and move the ball towards the stumps or the catcher to where the ball was going to drop. If that doesn’t work, there is always the mind controlling aliens who take possession of Stuey’s body from time to time. You know, the ones who cause overthrows against the Netherlands or who make him bowl such filthy dirty pies that Yuvi flat bats him for six sixes.

About the author:

Ant likes poking bears with sticks. Hopelessly in love with cricket, catastrophically disappointed by everything else.

mspr1nt has written 161 posts on Wicket Maiden. Want more? Follow mspr1nt on Twitter.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Rishabh May 6, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Has Broad ever been captain of anything? I mean, apart from being queen bee or leader of the plastics in high school or something.

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mspr1nt May 6, 2011 at 2:38 pm

He’s captain fuckin’ Fantastic!

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sixsixeight May 6, 2011 at 3:20 pm

That will be it then – the outbursts and the unsportsmanlike behaviour – PMS!

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